Cinco de What?

Mayo? As in the condiment?

OK, seriously, why are we celebrating other countries' holidays? Are we that desperate to justify the fact that we just love to eat and drink? I say, let's call a spade, a spade and be honest here. We just like to eat and drink, and we shouldn't be using others' holidays to justify that. Since when has Cinco de Mayo become a holiday that we have cards for? Some Mexican bitch got offended that I didn't know what today was. I mean, I can comfortably say that I don't care about Cinco de Mayo all that much as it pertains to the Mexican culture. Like any good American, I just want to drink my margarita and eat my guacamole. Did she really think I was here to celebrate some random Mexican holiday, which is not even their independence day, which is actually September 16. I mean, Cinco de Mayo is not even a federal holiday in Mexico. I couldn't care less. Don't get offended, it's not like I said "send all Mexicans back to Mexico."

Speaking of which, they had ANOTHER parade or whatever the hell it was last week. Fine, I seriously want there to be alien control. Those who are illegal, I want them to be able to not fear for being deported. I think they should be taxed, heavily. Hey, that's what being an American is all about. And honestly, I want the asshole businesses that basically hire them and pay them nothing and treat them like crap to be taxed even more heavily. But you see, I have covered this subject before, the government doesn't want to do that. You don't think they can control the illegal alien flow into this country? You don't think they have the ability to deport every single one of them? They do. But they won't. Because this economy needs them. Otherwise, you'll have a lot of the low paying jobs that no one wants to work. There's a cut off in how bad a job is that an American person is willing to do. After that cut off they're better off depending on the welfare system, which is not available to illegal immigrants living in the country, who end up taking the job that no American citizen has to ever take. Are there no solutions for that? Yes there are, but the government chooses not to fix them. If you think otherwise, you're fooling yourself. There are records of every single thing we say on the phone to our friends, and our little steps can be followed step-by-step from the time we get up in the morning and until we fall asleep. You think these same people can't follow someone who comes in to the country and stays for years and years. Yeah, OK!

The truth of the matter is, a reform for the illegal immigration problem has to be accompanied with a lot of other changes, and our government just doesn't have the time or money. Those are needed more in other countries where we're wasting American lives and destroying other nations. Why waste the time and money fixing things in the country, when most people are just cotent enough not to bitch and do something about it.

Meanwhile, let's drink and eat and celebrate holidays whose history we know nothing about. Just ask the next ten people you run into, and more than half of them will think that Cinco de Mayo is an American holiday. This could be a fun project and I can imagine the ignorant reponses you get from people, much like what Jay Leno gets when he does that Jay-walking segment.

Ah screw it. Go put on a sombrero, drink a margarita, and eat guacamole and refried beans until your poop resembles one of those!