More thoughts about life
I lead my life a certain way, and while I don't think that others should lead their lives the way I do mine, I do have opinions about the way people do certain things. If you don't have opinions about other people and their doings, I truly believe there is something wrong with you. Minding your own business means not telling people what they don't ask you to hear. But when people ask, give it to them. Otherwise, feel free to form your own opinion. Well, here are a few of mine about friendships and marriage.
I personally think it's better to have fewer good friends, than a lot of acquaintances. I hate being taken for granted by my friends. I hate when someone makes me feel like they're tossing me aside while they work on their other friendships. I take friendship seriously and want my friends to do the same. It's not a "friend of the week" thing. It shouldn't be, because then it's not friendship, it's just people trying to mark the wall and comparing numbers of people they know. That don't impress me much!
Now let me turn to marriage. I take marriage very seriously, and that's why I'm not married. That's right. I am not married because I think marriage is a serious thing. I don't think it's something that I do to have a big nice party. I don't think it's something that will make me better than anyone else. I think marriage is a very serious commitment and I will not get married until I find the person that deserves to have me give up a few things to be his wife, and hopefully he'd feel the same way about me. I don't need a husband to have kids, I don't need one to give me shelter, or buy me stuff, or be my date when I go to events. I want a friend and a companion and someone I can always count on, in good and bad. That being said, I also want to stay my own person when I'm married and not let the marriage or the husband define who I am. I want to be part of a duo, but maintain some independence.
SOME independence. I can't stand people who are on both ends of the spectrum. There are ones who cannot do anything without their husbands, and I don't want to be around those people. It's OK to be apart for a little bit. That being said, there's also something to be said about people who lead completely independent lives. WHY? Why did you get married? I don't think it's a good quality to ALWAYS make different plans. You're married, show me how that's different from when you were single. Going out and always getting drunk apart, and often crashing drunk at someone else's home, apart, is not something I admire or seek in a marriage. And I can't help it that I don't have respect for those who do!
In other news, my hot ref friend was not there today. I asked the other ref about him, and he told me that he was out of town for work. STUPID WORK!
13 comments:
Stupid work, indeed!
Well, at least you have next week to look forward to, right?
Maybe there will be a hot ref at volleyball. ;-)
I have some friends who seem to barely spend time with their husbands. I don't get that either. I consider my husband my best friend, so we do tend to do a lot together..but we also have other interests and friends. I like your thoughts..You have a good head on your shoulders!
Jess - I need to take it one ref at a time! Though I wouldn't mind some eye candy to keep me busy till next Sunday. He better not be gone on a work trip again next weekend. I need something to keep me entertained while I sweat like a pig on the field :)
Misty - Why thank you! I love my friends who are married to each other and lead practically separate lives, I just don't think their marriage is right. You have to have fun with your spouse too. Maybe they just need to grow up, but maybe people shouldn't get married before they're grown up! Eh!
I like the following quote and have really tried to in the past 4 years to live by these words. "Never make someone a priority who is only willing to make you an option. At some point you have to love yourself more."
PS. I thought of you this morning as Man and I were at Chicago O'Hare. We were on our way home from Hawaii and had a one hour layover in Chicago.
Kula
How old are you (if you don't mind me asking)? Since people are worrying about if you're married or not! (My sis is 36 and feeling badly about going to her reunion because of all the questions about "You're not married yet")
i agree with everything you said. you're just smart like that. i've talked about the whole friends vs. acquaintances thing a lot with people before. i realized that in the US people actually rarely even use the word acquaintances or even "this girl/guy i know" but refer to people as "my friend" very fast. for me, calling someone "friend" means something and that something doesn't happen after going out or seeing each other twice or three times... but that's just me :)
the marriage-thing is really serious to me as well. that's why C and i went through all this crap for him to get a visa and work-permit. things would have been A LOT easier if we would have just gotten married. and this part of your post says it all:
I want a friend and a companion and someone I can always count on, in good and bad. That being said, I also want to stay my own person when I'm married and not let the marriage or the husband define who I am. I want to be part of a duo, but maintain some independence.
Gerbera - I like that quote too. Oh, you were in Chicago. I hope your flights were all on time :)
Misty - I'm 28. And your sis should not feel bad. It's none of people's business. And 36 is certainly not that old. People are dumb, to put it simply!
Kim - You like me? YAY!
Yeah, sometimes I say "my friend..." then I stop and say "well, this person I know..." It's bad, but I want to be fair. I like saying "this person I know." Some people have inferiority complex about the number of friends they have, so they hurry to calling people "friends" to feel better. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.
Tell C I say hi, and the cat too :)
will do, my friend ;)
Kim - AWWWWW! **MWAH**
I agree that it's incredibly important to have a trusted, always-there-for-you circle of close friends. At the same time, I can really enjoy spending time with people I don't know as well, or who I only have a few things in common (especially if my best friends don't have that thing in common with me). You never know where the next good friend is going to come from. :)
I have one of those marriages, where my husband is my best friend.
I do have other interests,
I am a joiner , he isn't.
I am a political activist , he isn't, but does help in some ways on campaigns I get involved with.
I enjoy movies and plays and the arts and had threatened many times I was going to find a nice gay man as a companion for those outings.
Instead I joined a Womans club, and
that has worked out just fine..
We do keep Fri. and Sat. open for date night.
Even if it is just Happy Hour at TGIF.
To keep a marriage happy you need outside interests from each other.
But you also need that personal time.
Kids grow up and start their own lives and I refuse to be one of those mothers expecting weekly visits and feeling hurt if they don't show up.
Kim's right, many people here in the states automatically refer to each other as "friend", that's not something I'm used to doing.
Relationships are hard enough; knowing whether or not you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with someone is serious business. I gave up the opportunity to transfer with my firm back to London (home) in order to move to the west coast to be with a man I may one day marry. This is a huge freaking step for me. I once bought a house with someone, then realized I couldn't move in with him let alone marry him.
Eliina - True, I agree, I just don't do it by abandoning people who are already my friends.
Green Tea - Date night is a great idea. But you have a balance, which is very important! Good for the sanity you know :)
Kimberley - Yeah, relationships are hard, and in that I include friendships. It's hard though not to sound mean when you refer to someone as an acquantance or "this person I know." But then again, I know some people but don't want to be completely associated with them by referring to them as a "friend." In Syria we had this saying: "tell me who's your friend, I'll tell you who you are." You know what I mean?
Post a Comment