Daily Life Quotes

In keeping the spirit of this blog lately, and gather a few random things to make up a miserable post, I will share with you a few quotes from my daily life since the last time I posted. This is really a pathetic excuse for a blog post, but you know, if you're still coming here and checking this out, then you deserve this kind of reading material. I'm just reminding you that you should be somewhere else doing something more useful. Say, at work, till 2 am, for 5 days in a row? No, no, not that is where I have been. OR HAVE I? The pathetic thing is that I am enjoying all of this, in a very masochistic "let me bend over and give it to me from behind" kind of way.

On with my boring daily life...

"Mom, I got a kitten!"
"WHAT? I want grandchildren. GRAND... CHILDREN... NOT kittens!"
"Sorry, all you get is kittens."

"I didn't want to let the kitten out with the cat alone all day without my supervision. I just didn't want to go home to find a decapitated kitten. After a long day at work, I'd be too tired to clean that up!"

American guy says to Chinese interpreter: "excuse me sir, I don't understand you, but I don't think you interpreted that correctly, did you?"

"Sir, he is not allowed to see the document, please ask him to leave."
"No, no, if he can't look at the document, let's take it down. OK, now, let's talk about what's IN the document!"
Thinking to myself, did this asshole go to law school in the Canary Islands? (No offense Canary Islanders!) Or does he think we went to law school in a back yard in Belize. (Sorry Belizians).

Sitting in a deposition, I just have this urge to say: "objection. Grounds: opposing counsel is an asshole. Excuse me Ms. Reporter, can you strike that from the record?"

Guy at Subway: "would you like your sub toasted?"
Me: "No."
A minute later...
Me: "I'm sorry, is that my sub in the toaster oven, BEING TOASTED?"

My co-worker says: "give me some document to give to him. I don't care what it is. I just want to get him out of my hair!"
My co-worker is bald. I could hardly hold back my laughter and the obvious joke.

Bitch at work: "are those designer jeans that only lawyers can afford?"
Me: "yes, they're Old Navy Couture!"