Solving a mathematical problem

For the past few years I have been getting sick at what I thought were randomly spaced out times of the year. In a way, that's true, because Easter is not on a set date, and it moves around somewhere between February and April. Finally, it dawned on me, I always get sick after holidays. What the hell?

Sure enough, right now I am dealing with an annoying headache that is usually associated with symptons of the flu. How the hell could this have happened? We can add that to many other times when I had the flu for a couple of weeks following Easter, Christmas, or a Fourth of July family picnic. And of course, my favorite is the time when I got the stomach flu after Christmas in 2002, and I was puking my guts out non-stop for 3 days. I even threw up when I had nothing in my stomach, which I believe is called dry heaving. Well, you can imagine the beautiful noises that accompanied that. At the time, I had just returned from college after finishing grad school and was living with my parents still. My mom treated me like I was dying. She didn't realize that the stomach flu was not a deadly disease. She now remembers that time and says how horrible I looked, sitting on the couch, not being able to lift my head, and resembling a chewed up rag more than anything else.

Point of the story is, I examined the patterns and finally figured out that it is the children that do all this to me. The problem is that kids are constantly carrying many viruses, and sometimes they don't show the symptoms, so when you see them at family gatherings, and hold them around, hugging them and kissing them and taking pictures with them, while they get snotty and spitty, you are really just giving the viruses a chance to exchange a little host for a big host with an immune system ready to fall apart at an instant's notice. Those evil little kids, they fool you with the cuteness and then BAM they take you down when you least expect it! Thanks little P and little S, I don't know how much candy I can put in your hands next time I see you just to show my appreciation for whichever of you gave me the nice virus that is chewing up my head right now!