Blue cheese smells better

I have been on this schedule of not leaving the apartment and therefore, making taking a shower very VERY optional. I was about to throw the toy away to play fetch with my cat, and I got a whiff of air that went by my armpit. Let's just say it wasn't pretty. Let's just say IT STUNK. Let's just say it got me thinking about the last time I took a shower, and I couldn't remember. Two days ago? Three days ago? I don't know. But quite possibly it's the reason the cat has been more willing to sit on the other couch than on this one. I think that one time last summer, on a hot humid day in July, when I played three one-hour soccer games in a row, I smelled better.

The worst part, if there can be such room for comparison and levels of badness, is that after taking the first whiff, I lifted my arm, and smelled it again, and again, and again. Like I needed that reassurance of stinkiness. Like if I kept on doing it, the smell was going to go away. It's like when you were a kid, and that one weird kid would come in and say "Oh my God, this smells so bad, here smell it!" And you smelled it. And withdrew thinking to yourself "holy shit, it does smell bad. Wait, let me smell it again just to verify that it does indeed smell as bad as I thought it did the first time I smelled it after you ran in here telling me how bad it smells."

I have sweat before, badly, after long workouts in the summer, but I have never smelled anything like this. But, I swear, I can almost say that it smelled like Chinese food. Oh wait, maybe IT IS Chinese food. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that lunch and dinner for the past 7 days have been Chinese food. Maybe, after all this is over, it's going to be a LOOOONG while before China Kitchen gets another call from me.

Time for a shower!