Witty friends

Most days I do OK in the wit department, other days, I am just wit-less. Today is one of those days, so instead, I'm going to depend on others' wit to amuse my readers.

I received an invitation to a friend's 30th birthday party, and I love it so much that I'm going to share it with the rest of you. I might've been on the fence about going, but the wit of the invitation makes me want to go for sure. How can you say NO to this:

So my friend and I are turning 30 soon, and we got to thinking, the pressure is on...the 30's are really the "put up or shut up" decade. Shakespeare was in his thirties when he wrote Hamlet, Genghis Khan was unifying Mongolia, the guys from Google were making it easier to plagiarize term papers, and Napoleon crowned himself Emperor of France. If we were mortgages, standard 30-year fixed, we'd be paid off by now (or at least buried in a bad CDO or exotic derivative). But if our greatest accomplishment and life's culmination is hosting a party in the back of a bar, then so be it. Come celebrate our joint 30th-ganza at [name of bar withheld]--$20 costs you your dignity but buys you a festive wristband, drinks from 9 til midnight, and anecdotes to last until Monday. Please bring friends, as my friend and I are self-conscious about appearing unpopular in front of the bar manager. Hope to see you there!