"Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like."

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Classy people at their finest

Am I overreacting? What do you think about the way I'm handling this?

When I was in college, MP and I were good friends with this girl, who comes from a family that is best characterized as FANATIC Catholic Republicans. Right there you're thinking: "but how can YOU be friends with THEM?" Well, I don't know, but somehow it worked out, and we were friends.

MP and I always noticed that this family has very strange behavior, at least in the way they deal with everyday life. For example, they never ever discussed money, no matter what. They would never tell you what they're paying for rent or how much they paid for a roll of toilet paper or a head of lettuce, because THEY JUST DID NOT DISCUSS MONEY. This was one of MANY odd things about them. So we'll call them the Weirdos.

In college, MP and I were friends with Oldest Weirdo. By friends I mean she selectively hung out with us and selectively invited us to events or parties. But we didn't care, we just went with the flow. Then Middle Weirdo started college and we became better friends with her. I particularly became close friends with her and we hung out all the time and she became one of my closest friends, second to MP, of course. Middle wasn't as weird as Oldest, but still had that "quality." Later, we met Youngest Weirdo, and she was actually a lot more normal.

When Oldest graduated before us from college, she left to work in a nearby big city, and we didn't see her as much anymore, but we still visited her a few times, and tried to keep in touch. Then we completely lost touch with her, and we only got her news through Middle. Oldest moved around and changed jobs, but never bothered to give us her new addresses or emails.

Today, many years later, she's getting married. I ran into her and her fiance, who is a very strange guy, at a sporting event last year and she told me that she was getting married and that I should keep the day free. So I did, and I thought that most likely I wasn't going to be invited. However, when I came back from my trip a couple of days ago, I saw an invitation to her wedding in my stack of mail. I had a problem though, on the envelope it said:

Ms. Kula
Lastname + Guest.

I swear it did. I can't even make this up if I wanted to. OK, let's say she's so desperate for space that she can only invite me alone, since I'm not in a committed relationship with anyone. Not that she would know, since she doesn't even keep in touch with me anymore. But if she really wants to invite me alone AND she made the mistake of writing the word "Guest" at first, then maybe she could've used a new envelope and just written my name. OR, she could've kept the word "Guest" and thought: "hey, if she has someone special in her life, she can bring them, if she doesn't, then she can come alone if she wants to." However, none of the options include writing out my name PLUS "Guest" then scratching out the word "Guest." That is of course if you're not a classless hick who does not know a thing about etiquette.

So, initially, I thought that I would go to the wedding alone. Then I thought that this was quite insulting, so: "hell no, I won't go to the wedding." But earlier today, I called MP to see if she was invited to the wedding, and since she's married, of course she gets to bring a guest. After talking to MP, and since we help each other make these kinds of decisions, I decided that I will respond to the invitation and where it has space for the name of the person attending I will indicate that there will be "2" people and write "Ms. Kula Lastname + Guest." Just like that, without even indicating my Guest's name, yet.

I mean, people are free to invite how many ever people they want to their weddings, but considering the number of people who don't come, what difference would ONE person make? And even if you know your friend is single, shouldn't you leave that decision as to whether she will bring someone to the wedding or not to her? When you're 28, I think there are certain things that should not take too much thought to be done the right way, like how to address invitations. But even if you do really want to invite the person alone, and you made a mistake, shouldn't you at least use a new envelope instead of what I received?

The list of questions I have about this situation is endless, but even for the Weirdo family, this was way beyond anything I thought they would ever do. I was shocked! My jaw dropped, and I could not believe that someone who puts on such an act of being a mature adult, would do something like that. Above all, I think I am handling the situation the best way possible, because this will hopefully show her that what she did was ridiculous.

I also expressed to MP the sentiment that I would not be completely surprised if she called me upon receiving my response to say: "I'm sorry, but you can't bring a guest." Of course, in that case, I will just have to say: "well, I am not coming at all then. Have a nice life!"

It just breaks my heart, that I could be treated like this by someone who is "my friend."

9 comments:

Daisy said...

OH WOW!!! I am not sure how I would handle this situation. I would definitely be hurt not to mention insulted to recieve an invitation such as this. I think you are handling the situation the best. I would probably do the same thing that you are. I think that invitation was very tacky, to say the least.

Kranki said...

Yeah, I'm with Gerbera. Very tacky! I think that I wouldn't invite a person to my wedding without expecting they may want to bring a guest. If for some reason, like space restrictions or something like that, that was impossible I would call the person before sending an invite explaining the predicament, that I wanted them to come but that if they didn't feel comfy coming alone I would understand. Only if the person said they would be happy to come as a singleton I would send an invite. I would NEVER send an invite with 'guest' scratched out.

This is probably not the best advice but if this happened to me I wouldn't go because I'd feel awkward that there was some sort of issue with my presence. I'd rather stay home with the cat, some ice cream and save some money on not buying a wedding gift. But that is just me-the antisocial hermit curmudgeon.

upyernoz said...

back when me and mrs. noz were planning our wedding we were very concerned about the number of people. we had our heart set on having the reception in a small house with limited space. our families kept pressuring us to invite more and more of their friends, we were really afraid that there wouldn't be any room, and really were looking to trim anywhere we could.

so the bottom line is that i don't begrudge them for being worried that too many people might show up. it isn't necessarily a cost issue, but even if it were, i still wouldn't hold that against them. weddings are crazy-expensive.

however, they really should have used a new envelope. even a little white out would have been better than just crossing out the word "guest"

KULA said...

Gerbera - Tacky does not even begin to describe it. I am still not sure what I will do.

Kranki - The decision to not go is still lingering in my head. We'll see.

Kim - I don't really mind going alone that much anyway, and there's a lot of other stuff that goes on other than slow dancing. But I am still shocked at receiving an envelope with "Guest" scratched out. I'm not sure who I would take yet, if I were to go at all.

Noz - I understand, but I am, or used to be a close friend, and I know their wedding is not at a small place. Nevertheless, I've been invited to weddings before alone and I've been invited PLUS GUEST, and I've gone alone when I had no one to take. But even when you're on a budget, you wouldn't invite someone without giving them the option of bringing a guest if you don't know whether they're with someone or not. I will not back down from my stance that it is rude and not classy.

Here's how you handle a small budget with class: you prioritize your guests, and send out a limited number of invitations. As soon as you get a "NO" you send out another invite. You don't invite adults alone, because you think they may not be with someone, or just because they're not married or engaged. If she's on a budget, and I'm not a good enough friend to be given the option of bringing someone, then she should've not invited me at all. Basic etiquette in my opinion!

Opera Gal said...

are you still reachable through the Y*h** account I used to have for you?
I never see you on IM anymore.

Anonymous said...

You have to give people the option to bring a guest or not...

As for the envelope, that's complete insolence and bad manners...

USE A NEW ENVELOPE!!!

There.

KULA said...

Opera Gal - I am still reachable, I'm just almost never online anymore.

Julio - YES! Most people also use two envelopes, and on the inside one write who is invited, by name or by indicating "plus guest." Well, this one was so tacky that it didn't even have an inside envelope.

Unknown said...

Dear god, WTF?

I would shoot her an email or call her or something and ask, "Am I not invited to bring a guest to your wedding? The invitation is confusing (and quite frankly, a bit insulting) and I'm not certain how to respond."

Put her on the spot and force her to explain herself. What she did was horrendously tacky and just plain rude and you deserve an explanation from her. If she seems apologetic, or explains the situation in an acceptable way, then fine, but if she's tacky with her response, then just tell her you won't attend and hang up.

Ugh.

Unknown said...

P.S. I get invited alone all the time to weddings and have no problem going alone. I think we all understand about budget/space limitations and it's not even an issue. But to go and cross out the word "guest" is just un-freaking-believable.

I'm hoping it was an error and that perhaps they were trimming their list a bit at the last minute and fully intended to re-do the envelope, but for whatever reason it was sent as-is.